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How To Keep Your Self Esteem When Someone Tries To Take You Down

A few weeks ago, I got some feedback after a program I delivered. The topic was a difficult one which required sensitivity, tact, and grace. I think I brought those qualities, and many people told me I struck the right chord.

But there was one person who was having none of it. He felt the slides missed the mark, the photos I used sent the wrong message and even a Brene Brown video was all wrong. This was useful feedback that I could consider. And then his feedback turned to personal attacks on me, which hurt me so much more than I expected. Or than it should have, if I’m honest. I don’t know this person, and more importantly, they don’t know me.


One of my values in conversation is to leave the other person’s self esteem intact, to not speak in a way that requires healing after the conversation.

I had to heal from this conversation. Here’s what I did to heal and keep my self esteem intact:

·       I re-read all those positive comments

·       I looked at my ‘wins’ journal where I keep a list of successes big and small

·       I reached out to the team to share the feedback, so I wasn’t carrying it alone

·       I talked to myself the way a friend who loves me would.

Lastly, I realized that this person, who doesn’t know me, has not earned the right to take me down. He doesn’t get to knock my confidence for a loop. I know the truth of who I am.

Try this ONE thing

When you find yourself in this unenviable position where someone is not leaving your self esteem intact, try one of my steps above and do it quickly. Do not let those negative thoughts take up residence in your mind.


Want to experience coaching? I like to start with a deep, get-to-know-you conversation to see if we are right for each other. Sometimes we talk for one or two hours at no charge. I have no goal except to bring about transformation. Together we work on the lies, the self-deception, and the fears of the power you perceive to be outside yourself. We work on your difficulties in making decisions and your inability thus far to make bold choices in life and to follow through and trust yourself completely to do so.

The irony for some people is that the very thing that they want the coaching for (an indecisive, half-hearted life) is what’s keeping them from deciding whether to get coaching.

When you’re ready, reach out @ Meanwhile, enjoy the blog!

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