“He’s a miserable, frustrated man!” I exclaimed to my coach Ginger about another manager on the team. “You might be right. What else could it be?” she asked.
This is a fantastic little trick to start breaking down long-held beliefs. It’ll also help you quiet your brain’s negativity bias.
This is like the ‘5 why’s’ rule you learned about in school, where you keep asking ‘why’ until you get to the solution.
Ginger, my coach, kept asking me ‘what else could it be?’ until, on the seventh time, I wondered aloud if perhaps he was intimidated by me. As soon as I said it, I knew that was it. Ginger knew it too, she heard it in my voice, she could feel my energy change.
Wanna know what else changed? My thinking about this issue and this colleague. I could finally see clearly what was really happening. And because I was able to remember times when I’d felt intimidated, I could empathize with him. Suddenly, instead of getting frustrated and annoyed with him, I softened.
And we became friends, and supportive colleagues and, when he retired a few years later, I could sincerely and joyously wish him well.
“When we change, the world changes” – Daisaku Ikeda
I changed ONE thing and everything about the situation changed. Tell me about ONE thing you might consider changing?
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