Ask So They Can Answer

I’ve been thinking lately about curiosity for a module I’m designing at work. More specifically, I’ve been thinking about how we ask questions in a way that creates room for creative, authentic, unhurried responses instead of making people feel as if they have to defend themselves.

I think of Deeyah Khan in her documentary White Right: Meeting the Enemy. Her goal was to explore the personal, social, and political motivations behind far-right extremism, and she expertly models questioning that is designed only to understand. It brings to mind Stephen R. Covey’s principle from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: seek first to understand.

Her questions were designed to help the other person talk freely. She was not trying to persuade or be persuaded. She was not trying to catch anyone out or prove them wrong. She stayed curious without going on the offensive, and because of that, her subjects rarely seemed pushed onto the defensive.

In the end, she had a positive impact on some of the men she interviewed. I wonder if part of that impact came from something surprisingly rare: she allowed them to be heard without immediately correcting, judging, or challenging them.

What a wonderful gift: to ask in a way that helps someone lower their guard and tell the truth as they understand it.

Try this ONE thing

When someone disagrees with you or sees things differently, notice your first impulse. Are you getting ready to defend, correct, or win? Take a breath. Ask one genuinely curious question, then listen long enough for them to feel heard before you respond.

I’d love to know: what is one question that helps you stay curious instead of defensive?

Let’s Connect!

If you’re ready to talk about creating a better, more joyful life—or if you simply want to share your thoughts—leave a comment below, repost this blog, or reach out to me directly. I’d love to hear your story, answer your questions, or help you take the next step toward the life you want. Sometimes, one conversation is all it takes to spark real change. Reach out to karen.laidlaw.theONEthing@outlook.com. Until then, enjoy the blog and keep moving forward.